Our Constitution
ARTICLE I: DECLARATION OF EUCHRE SUPERIORITY
Section 1: Euchre is declared the greatest card game of all time. Any and all detractors shall be sentenced to an eternity of playing War.
ARTICLE II: HEADQUARTERS AND CHAMPIONSHIPS
Section 1: The World Euchre Federation is headquartered in New Glarus, Wisconsin, the Euchre Capital of the World. And stop your whining, Northern Michigan. Everyone knows you’re the Euchre Capital of the Universe. We just want our little corner of the universe, so leave us alone.
Section 2: The 2nd Saturday in May of each year shall be designated as the date for the World Euchre Championships, which shall be held in New Glarus, Wisconsin.
Section 3: The World Euchre Championship shall never be moved from New Glarus without the unanimous consent of all card-carrying members in good standing. We mean it.
ARTICLE III: GOVERNANCE
Section 1: The World Euchre Federation shall be the sole governing body for the game Euchre worldwide. All other card games shall bow down in submission to Euchre.
Section 2: The New Glarus Cares Community Foundation shall be the chief benefactor of all proceeds generated by the World Euchre Federation and its sales and events. This cannot be changed without the unanimous consent of all card-carrying members in good standing, or unless someone brings enough beer and cheese curds to bribe us.
ARTICLE IV: BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Section 1: The World Euchre Federation shall be governed by a Board of Directors, with one representative from each continent. Yes, even Australia counts as a continent, and yes, we know Europe and Asia are technically one big landmass, but we are playing by our own rules here, OK?
Section 2: Antarctica shall formally submit a representative for the board elected by the residents of McMurdo Station, Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, Palmer Station, and all American Antarctica research vessels and field camps. If no representative from Antarctica is presented, the “frozen continent” shall be represented in abstentia by someone from Wisconsin who has actually stepped foot onto Antarctica. If none can be found, the position will be ceremoniously represented by a penguin from Vilas Park Zoo in Madison, Wisconsin.
Section 3: Each Director shall be responsible for ensuring that the Euchre traditions and rules of their respective continents are represented and accounted for in the World Euchre Federation.
Section 4: The Board of Directors shall meet once a year at the World Euchre Championship card tournament to fulfill their duties, where they will be expected to show off their unique Euchre skills, costumes, and traditions from their respective continent. Failure to do so will result in the forfeiture of their continent's vote at the annual meeting. Meetings shall be conducted in a spirit of mirth and mayhem, with ample opportunities for hijinks and shenanigans.
Section 5: The representative from North America and Antarctica shall comprise the World Euchre Federation Security Council. The World Euchre Federation Security Council may veto any decision by the World Euchre Federation Board of Directors and may remove any Board Member for cause, including but not limited to lack of humor, excessive seriousness, or failure to “bring the funny.”
Section 6: The Board of Director titles shall be:
a) The Grand Poobah: Head honcho, chief jester, and all-around funny guy.
b) The High Mucky-Muck: Second in command, designated driver, and keeper of the snacks.
Section 7: In the event of the Grand Poobah's resignation, retirement, or untimely demise, the High Muckity-Muck shall assume the title of Grand Poobah and all attendant responsibilities. In the event the High Muckity-Muck is unable or unwilling to serve, the remaining members of the Board of Directors shall engage in a competition of feats of strength to determine the new Grand Poobah.
ARTICLE V: MAKING FUN OF OTHER CARD GAMES
Section 1: Other card games, such as poker, blackjack, rummy, spades, canasta, etc. shall be considered inferior to Euchre. Anyone caught playing these games shall be banished to the land of Old Maid.
Section 2: We don’t care what you think, but the card game Jass is a variant of the game Euchre. So there. You better not make fun of that either.
ARTICLE VI: RULES
Section 1: The World Euchre Federation shall be responsible for all rules and all variations of the game Euchre. This includes, but is not limited to, the variations of Stick the Dealer, No Stick the Dealer, and Screw the Dealer. Yes, we said it.
ARTICLE VI: MASCOT
Section 1: The official mascot of the World Euchre Federation shall be a giant cheese curd, affectionately known as "Curdy." Curdy shall make appearances at all official World Euchre Federation events and shall be treated with the utmost respect and reverence.
Section 2: Curdy shall be considered a good luck charm, and any team caught disrespecting or mishandling Curdy shall be subject to disqualification from the World Euchre Championship.
ARTICLE VII: DRESS CODE
Section 1: All players participating in the World Euchre Championship shall be required to wear traditional Euchre attire, which may include lederhosen, dirndls, and other traditional garb from their respective continents.
Section 2: The wearing of any apparel or accessories that display allegiance to other card games, such as a poker hat or a blackjack t-shirt, shall be strictly prohibited. Violators shall be required to publicly denounce their allegiance to said card game and instead pledge their loyalty to Euchre.
ARTICLE VIII: PENALTIES
Section 1: Any player caught making derogatory comments about Euchre shall be required to perform the "Chicken Dance" in front of the entire tournament audience.
Section 2: Any team caught attempting to bribe a member of the Board of Directors shall be required to donate 100 pounds of cheese curds to the organization. We can't be bought, but we will gladly accept your cheese curds as a gesture of goodwill.
ARTICLE IX: MISCELLANEOUS
Section 1: The official beverage of the World Euchre Federation shall be beer. This cannot be changed without the unanimous consent of all card-carrying members in good standing. Also, the World Euchre Federation board of directors does reserve the right to name an official beer of the World Euchre Federation (hint-hint).
Section 2: The World Euchre Federation reserves the right to declare any other card game that does not involve trump to be a complete waste of time.
Section 3: The World Euchre Federation shall hold the patent on the "Left Bower Fist Pump" move, and all other card games shall be required to pay royalties to use it.
Section 4: In the event a member is caught cheating during a game of Euchre, they shall be forced to wear a hat made of cheese for the duration of the World Euchre Championship.
Section 5: All card-carrying members in good standing shall be required to wear lederhosen and dirndls during the World Euchre Championship. Exceptions may be made for those who can provide a valid excuse, such as being lactose intolerant or lacking a sense of humor.
Section 6: The Board of Directors shall be authorized to make rules and regulations for the World Euchre Federation, provided that such rules and regulations do not conflict with the holy scripture of Euchre (i.e., the official game rules).
Section 7: The Board of Directors shall not be held responsible for any Euchre-related injuries suffered by players or spectators during the World Euchre Championship. We're not liable for any of that stuff.
Section 8: In the event of a tie vote, the Board of Directors shall be required to engage in a sudden-death game of Euchre, with the winner taking all. No pressure or anything.
Section 9: If a player accidentally drops a card on the floor and it lands face up, shall be required to stand and yell, “Well, that's not how you play this game!” in front of the entire tournament audience.
Section 10: Card carrying members of the World Euchre Federation are required to always carry their membership card with them at all times. If unable to present their membership card by another member in good standing, they must buy that person a beer. And we mean it.
